starting over

 I got my replacement bed today. New sheets, comforter, pillows, the works. Picked up room darkening panels so I could take down the blankets he put up. Put those up.

He took Caleb and Amber for a while... about 4 1/2 hours. Will have 'em home around 6pm. Brought her with him, but that's okay. It's *them* now. Not us. Kids need to adjust to that.

Told me we can be civil about all of this. Which works for me. No more fighting. He finally seemed to show a shred of remorse. Discussing who gets what is a good way to realize that it's really ending.

My cousin came over for a bit. Just to visit and chat. Thanks Jen. That made a difference in my day. She was here  when he picked them up. It helped. Jen and I may be going down to file our papers together...

So now I'm sitting in my room, laying on my bed, listening to the playlist of the cd I burnt for him earlier this week. Finally breaking down. Letting it all out. It needs to be done. After that, a nap perhaps... And I dye my hair again.

I am rebuilding myself. Starting anew. I get to be me this time. I get to figure out how to be me and who exactly I am. This should be interesting.