Thursday, September 3, 2009

A note...

I have adjusted my comments to be moderated. I deleted two comments from Rick's sisters (posted anonymously) that attacked me.

I do want to clarify that I am not a saint. Never have been. I made mistakes, I did have an affair, and I owned up to that mistake and gave Rick the option to leave then, take the kids with him, I wouldn't fight it. He wanted to stay.

I worked hard and turned my life upside down in an attempt to make our marriage work. We seemed to be getting somewhere. I was extremely grateful that he was giving me the opportunity to continue to be a part of his life.

I wasn't perfect. No one is.

He apparently was unable to get past what happened.

Yesterday he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore. That crushed me. I informed him that I wanted to work it out, but if he didn't want to I wouldn't fight it. He said he had to think about it.

That's why I came home at 2am. And found them embracing in my bed. Our bed. Without even locking the door to keep the little ones out.

If he had simply told me that he was falling for her, and didn't want me, it wouldn't have happened like that. I could have dealt with that better. It still hurts that after I thought we were working things out, we're not. I know I screwed up in the past, and I was working to figure things out.

I never have painted him as a beast. I never said he was a bad person. He made a poor decision, but apparently that's how he felt. And it hurt me. I do still love him. The fact that he was able to pack up all of his things and leave without showing a hint of regret or the slightest indication that he was upset - well, that hurts me. It was 6 years together. Even when I did screw up, I admitted that I was wrong in what I'd done and felt bad about it, and was upset that I hurt him.

He called tonight, talked to Amber. Talked to me briefly. The remaining details are between me and him at this point. I only posted because I'm now a single mother of 4, working part-time 3rd shift and going to school full-time. I was hoping for support from my friends, and to explain why things are changing.

So Rick's family... please direct your attention to him. He needs your support now too. And as I told him, if I hear that people are speaking negatively about me around our children, they will no longer have access to our children. The kids know that daddy doesn't love mommy anymore, and that's why he's gone. They knew I'm sad, but I do not tell them a single bad thing about him. I'd appreciate the same respect be shown to me, for the kids' sakes.
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