No lace knitting for me for a while.

At 2:30am, nearly an hour ago now, my older daughter woke me up to let me know her younger sister wasn't feeling well. I carried my younger daughter out to the living room. She's prone to a croupy cough, and was crying through it, which made it worse. On the way, I stepped on something pokey and picked it up... it was one of my Harmony dpn's. My first thought was Oh No. See, earlier in the week my puppy managed to chew my 2.5mm Knit Picks cable needle to shreds. While it was attached to the toe of my Hibiscus for Hope sock. The toe survived... but that doesn't matter because I now have no needle to knit with. And we're pretty well flat broke. Rick quit his job in October for medical reasons (29 year old men shouldn't have high blood pressure, and I'd rather be poor than a widow). So while we're surviving, that's about as far as it goes just now. I'm working at Wal-Mart as a cashier - which I adore - and going to start school next month to finish my Bachelor's degree in Information Systems Security. My ex is unemployed, and his unemployment ran out so I don't have child support coming in. My husband's unemployment is still being reviewed, we don't know if or when it will be approved. After all the hoops we've jumped through we're hoping it's soon.

So anyways... puppy mangled one needle already, but it wasn't a horribly big deal. I can come up with money to replace that one, and it gives me an excuse to buy a longer needle so I can magic loop two socks at a time. Tonight however he really did himself proud. I came out to the living room and found my PROJECT BAG (you know, where I had all my current projects stowed neatly so I could get to them when I wanted to work on them) pulled out from where it had been neatly tucked away, and everything dragged about. Yarn all over, everything tangled. He slobbered on Icarus (which is getting a small hole mended) and nearly felted part of it. The needle I stepped on (and didn't break) came from my Campanula for the Cure sock, which is hanging out until I find the completed sock to see how many repeats I need to do on the foot. Everything else was all balled up and mixed up.

I realized he'd demolished my 40" US 3 Addi Lace needle when I found the row counter for it separate from the project. This is what Guinevere (a lace stole) was being knit on. The alpaca cloud yarn seems mostly unharmed, and thankfully it's sticky enough that I don't think stitches were dropped. Found one end of the needle in the project, the other end off to the side.

The kicker is that he also devoured my 60" US 4 needle. This is the needle that I'm using for my Peacock Feathers shawl, which is my relaxing time knitting. This truly upsets me b/c it is always such a relaxing knit for me. Artsygal lace (uses Zephyr wool/silk as a base) yarn hand-dyed in Moody Blues. Hand-made stitch markers from Entrelac. And my lovely Addi Lace needle, with the perfect ends for picking up and manipulating the stitches. I've commented that I'm intentionally taking forever to knit it because it's such a luxurious knit.

I paid about $16 PER needle at City Knitting, a local yarn store.

No freaking way I can afford to do that any time soon.

The knitting itself is more or less intact, nothing that can't be fixed I'm sure. I'm on the 6th chart for the Peacock Feathers shawl.

The only thing I have left to work on is my Pomotomous sock. *sigh* I like it, but I was going to work on the lace more.

Before anyone asks, the dog is fine. He got a smack on the snout, that's it. He's spending the remainder of the night in his crate. I know he's a puppy and it's a puppy thing, so don't even bother telling me about it. Doesn't make it any better (and no, they weren't all out in plain sight - he dug the bag out from behind a chair and pulled all the stuff out of it).

Right now I'm just upset because I won't be able to do what I find most relaxing - work on my lace shawl and stole. And who knows when I'll be able to justify replacing them. I think I'm going back to bed to cry myself to sleep.

p.s. Amber's fine. Once she settled down her cough went away and she went back to bed.

One week down...

I finished my first actual work week at Wal-Mart, and am pleased to say it went well. I'm having a blast working there, ad the kids are surviving (in spite of them missing me). So things are going pretty well. Today is my first day off where I don't have to actually do anything, and I am enjoying it tremendously. I do have to take Caleb to the doctor, but not for anything horrible. He's had some icky bloody noses lately and I just want to make sure he's okay. Other than that, things are going well. So I shall post this before I get long-winded and don't get it done.

Have a (insert desired whatever here).

-Zanne

I'm ba-ack....

After much ado about various things, I'm back. In brief, didn't have internet, have it again, husband quit his job, I worked at WalMart over the holidays, stopped work on Dec 26th, and go back the first week of February. It's been odd.

But I go back to school soon too, and sundry things are working out, so I shall be blogging intermittently once again. I shall try to do this remotely regularly, we'll see how that goes.

For now, it's dinner time. So have an evening, or morning, or whatever you so desire.

Cheerios!

Sade is Evil

I'm amused because when I started typing "Sade" the title "Sade Rocks" pulled from my history. And she does rock, but today she is also evil, as she tagged me for a meme, and normally I avoid them. But just for her, I'll play.

Da rulez:

1. Link to the person who tagged you (see above).
   
2. Post the rules on your blog (this is what you are now reading).
   
3. Write 6 random things about yourself (see below).
   
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them (This is only a game)
   
5. Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
   
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up
   

Six Things About Me (that you couldn’t care less about)(yes, I'm taking hints from Sade's blog. so sue me)

1. I’m a Libra through and through. Always trying to keep the peace and balance.
   
2. I'm a true cross-platform person. I see the value of Windows, Mac, and Linux depending on your situation
   
3. I often wonder how the hell I can possibly be responsible for caring for four small humans on a daily basis when I don't know how I manage to take care of myself.
   
4. I am an absolute chocoholic, and have apparently passed that gene on to my youngest son.
   
5. I apparently look a lot like my mom. Sound like her too.
   
6. I once got to sit in my late best friend's bedroom and listen to Corey Taylor, lead singer of SlipKnot, sing showtunes while playing an acoustic guitar.
   

There. Now you know 6 things about me that you would have never guessed. And I gaurantee there are hundreds others that I'm not tellin'. Girl's gotta have some secrets.

Who to tag...

Oh lessee... Forgive me if you've already done this but here are the tags off the top of my head... turtlegirl, artsygal, string, mickey, Naomi, and Ann. Blame it on the European who tagged me. ;)

People we don't appreciate enough.

So yesterday I had more people comment on my blog post than ever before I think, and I think it's in part due to the fact that I've become active on facebook and the delightful plurk sites, so people there read it. And I realized that the comments people left did help me feel better. It helped me to validate the fact that I felt rotten even after all these years. And then I decided that people who leave comments on blogs are far too underappreciated. So I want to say thank you to all of you who took the time to share with me. It really helped.

Of course, that led to a train of thought about others who aren't appreciated enough in general. Like your friendly neighborhood garbage man. In the old house, I was forever forgetting to get my trash out on time, so I developed a great phone relationship with Brenda in the office at Green Valley Disposal, the people who picked up our trash. They were wonderful there, and I actually will miss having htem, because they were great about taking whatever I put out to be hauled away, no complaints. They were also understanding of my scatterbrainedness (due to being a SAHM of 4 kids etc.) and would go out of their way to help me out. I doubt I'll have that kind of relationship with the people we have now, simply because it's part of the park contract to pick up our trash (I have nothing to do with it personally, aside from making sure my 4 small or 2 large bags are out at the curb Sunday night for Monday pickup). Oh well. I'm still grateful that someone is willing to haul away the things I must dispose of.

Then I went to pick up the mail from the old house (because my scatterbrained self didn't send out the change of address forms until yesterday). I stopped at my neighbors' house to get the mail they took out of the box for us. And I realized that too often we take good neighbors for granted. The kind who will send their kids over to bring you coffee when you run out, and keep an eye out for random pets that escape and bring them home to you. Also the kind who know it's okay to call you to have you check on their teenage kids when they're out and said kids aren't paying attention to the phone. :) I'll really miss having those kinds of neighbors. It took a while to get to that point there... not sure if I'll get to be like that with my new neighbors.

I also decided that non-custodial parents who take their visitation time seriously are something to be grateful for, as I dropped my elderbeasts off to their dad for the weekend (and heard said ex tell our daughter that she needs to listen to me more often). I definitely appreciated the fact that he turned his life around and is working to become a Productive Member of Society now, even if he had to move in with MY parents to get to that point (heh... that's a story all its own). But I know too many people who are quick to criticize their ex's without taking the time to appreciate the fact that they are at least trying to do better.

Finally, I want to express my appreciation to whoever decided that there needed to be cable channels that showed toddler-level shows 24 hours a day. Sprout and Noggin are a godsend to me, especially as my little ones get back to some sort of normal human schedule.

I'm sure there was someone else I intended to add to my list, if I remember, I shall make note of it. But for now, Huzzah! to all of those I've mentioned. I really do appreciate you.

Feel free to add to this list in the comments section. I'd like to know who else you think is underappreciated.

Happy Birthday Kellie. Miss you. How long will it hurt?

Today would be the 34th birthday of my best friend in the multiverse, Kittie. It's been over 3 years, and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I keep wondering why I still miss her so much.

All I can figure is that ther is simply no one who has been or could be as close to me as she was. I have some moderately close friends, but none quite like she was. She was with me during my entire labor for my first child. She was so honest about our friendship that she actually withdrew from me during part of that pregnancy because she knew that she was angry about it and didn't want to bring me down with negative comments. When she finally came to terms with it, our friendship resumed.

I was there for her when she found out her husband didn't love her anymore. I'm still convinced the only reason I ended up back in Des Moines that summer was for this event. She was there for me when I came to my senses and ended my relationship with my older kids' father. And she didn't even say "I told you so." Not once.

Perhaps it still hurts because part of me thinks that I should have been there with her to do more for her when she got sick. I was ready to bring her here, where she could have had better treatment, better care. But the kids... couldn't have her up here with the kids around. Little kids and Leukemia just don't mix. She had NO immunity to anything... I didn't want her to get sick from my kids. But she got sick anyways, even though the cancer was almost gone. All I could do was make sure she had internet access. I'm sure it helped her, made her feel better to be able to get in touch with the rest of the world. I remember the phone conversations when the headaches were too bad for her to look at the screen. The vain attempts to get someone to replace her laptop display. The day she had her head shaved. Before that, I remember the day she caught me online... and told me to call her, because she had something important to say that she couldn't tell me online... and her informing me of the original diagnosis. She reached out for me then, because she knew I wouldn't treat her any differently, even though she was sick. I still gave her crap about everything, still acted like there was nothing wrong. The same way, when we were walking down the halls while I was in labor, she would just stop talking while I had a contraction and let me get through it, then start up again when it was done, as if nothing had happened. That's what we were to each other - anchors who could be trusted to not flip out over things. Who knew that as long as the other was there, we could get through whatever was thrown at us. We kept each other honest with ourselves, if that makes sense. Regardless of what we told anyone else, we made sure that at least we acknowledged the truth of our own feelings. And we respected each others mistakes and allowed each other to make them.

Maybe that's why it still hurts... Up to that point, all the pain and suffering I had, all the different losses... she was there to keep me grounded through them. But in her passing, I lost that anchor. So now I'm adrift. I don't know that I'll ever find that kind of anchor again (and don't go talking about my husband or anything either, because it's SO not the same). Hopefully I'll find something similar, someday. The friendship that lasts beyond the distance and years. I do have online friendships that are close, but for that anchor it needs to be one that is cemented with trips to the mall, nights at the movies, and time spent hanging out together and just being together.

So here's to you, Kellie. I know you didn't drink, but I'll raise a glass of wine to you anyways. Happy birthday.

Here I sit

Knitting at Pomotomus (which I found, and realized I could get the foot chart for now that the puter's online), and remembering how addicting a knit it is. It's being knit in Lagoon Kettle Dyed yarn by Artsygal. So it's a Fish in the Water sock. Looks awesome, and for now, you'll have to take my word for it.

I think I may put it down and go sit in front of the tv and knit at clapotis for a while. I'm on the decreases. I'll have another SD card by Friday (Caleb sent mine into hiding) so I can take pics of the rest of my projects and put 'em up. I also think I've settled on yarn for my Hibiscus sock. I got the pattern yesterday, and woah. It's serious-thought knitting. But well worth the effort, I'm sure.

And now, for a quick pic of my little pirate:



Thank you, and have a nice night.