Thursday, October 7, 2010

New Beginnings

I had a birthday this week.
I've felt lethargic and ill lately.
My mood has been all over the place.
And I'm back to the same weight I was at after Melissa was born. Not good.
There are all sorts of reasons I could give for this, and there are all sorts of excuses I could make about it, but the truth is, I've let myself go. One might say to some degree it's justified, given what the past year has thrown at me, but I can't go on letting this hold me back.
I saw Alicia last Friday, and she gave me the book "The Spark". It's a sort of companion guide to the SparkPeople website. I've been a member for years, but I haven't kept up with it lately. I start and stop, start and stop. Reading the first chapter of the book was like having a bucket of cold water poured over my head. It showed me that I need to re-learn how to take care of myself. I can't make excuses. The frustrations I experience at work, the issues I'm having at home, they all can be tied to self-pity. Lack of motivation. Some times I need to just stop and kick myself in the rear. And it doesn't have to be huge. Baby steps work. Ugh.
I guess it annoys me, because I should know better. I did this once. I may have been 10 years younger at the time, but you know what? That's an excuse. People older than me have done this. I used to tell people *how* to be successful with this. I. Know. This.
But knowing isn't enough. I have to OWN this. I have to make it a part of my daily routine. My life. I can't rely on anyone else, it has to be my responsibility, my choice.
My life.
I can say I'm doing it for the kids, for my relationship, for whatever. But if I don't do it for ME, it isn't going to happen.
I'm doing it. Starting now. Let's see how this goes.
Oh, and encouragement is welcome, but please don't feel the need to give me tips/tricks/advice. It just annoys me. Like I said, I've taught people how to do this. I don't need reminders of what I've been doing wrong lately.
And any SparkPeople reading this, my username there is zanne-y if ya want to drop a line or add me as a friend on the site. This is always more interesting when you have someone to work with.
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