New Beginnings

I had a birthday this week.
I've felt lethargic and ill lately.
My mood has been all over the place.
And I'm back to the same weight I was at after Melissa was born. Not good.
There are all sorts of reasons I could give for this, and there are all sorts of excuses I could make about it, but the truth is, I've let myself go. One might say to some degree it's justified, given what the past year has thrown at me, but I can't go on letting this hold me back.
I saw Alicia last Friday, and she gave me the book "The Spark". It's a sort of companion guide to the SparkPeople website. I've been a member for years, but I haven't kept up with it lately. I start and stop, start and stop. Reading the first chapter of the book was like having a bucket of cold water poured over my head. It showed me that I need to re-learn how to take care of myself. I can't make excuses. The frustrations I experience at work, the issues I'm having at home, they all can be tied to self-pity. Lack of motivation. Some times I need to just stop and kick myself in the rear. And it doesn't have to be huge. Baby steps work. Ugh.
I guess it annoys me, because I should know better. I did this once. I may have been 10 years younger at the time, but you know what? That's an excuse. People older than me have done this. I used to tell people *how* to be successful with this. I. Know. This.
But knowing isn't enough. I have to OWN this. I have to make it a part of my daily routine. My life. I can't rely on anyone else, it has to be my responsibility, my choice.
My life.
I can say I'm doing it for the kids, for my relationship, for whatever. But if I don't do it for ME, it isn't going to happen.
I'm doing it. Starting now. Let's see how this goes.
Oh, and encouragement is welcome, but please don't feel the need to give me tips/tricks/advice. It just annoys me. Like I said, I've taught people how to do this. I don't need reminders of what I've been doing wrong lately.
And any SparkPeople reading this, my username there is zanne-y if ya want to drop a line or add me as a friend on the site. This is always more interesting when you have someone to work with.

I'm doing stuff

Yeah. Stuff is happening. And tonight, assuming all goes well, I intend to start sorting and cataloging my stash. Then I shall get projects in order. My goal is to work on one old WIP, one sock, one lace, one top at a time. I'm a scattered knitter, so I need several projects OTN at a time.

I'm probably gonna finish a sock project for my WIP first. I have a few to choose from. The lace I'm working on is Anthemion from S/S Knitty. I'm finishing Chart A now, it's coming along well, helping me get my knitting and lace mojo back. The top will  be Waterlily tank. I've had the stuff to make it for a long time, and now's the time to finish it. I know it's cool-weather time, but I like tops like that to wear around the house. And it should be fairly quick to knit. Sort of a monkey on my back. The new sock has yet to be chosen. Probably something simple. I like lace, but have enough complicated stuff going on so a simple sock should work well. And my WIP socks are more complicated.

After Waterlily is done, I will be working on the Eileen cardi from Deep Fall Knitty. Oh, and thrown in there somewhere will be a few Brambles berets. I have loads o' yarn that will work. I think hats are a better idea for my perpetually growing children. When their feet stop growing, they'll get more socks.

I Am

I am me. Conflicted confused tumbling in tumultuous tempests, yet I remain me. I am Mother, I am strong. I hurt, I cry, but I still go on. I love mightily and unconditionally. Unfailingly. That is my strongest point - my capacity to love. I am not perfect, but I revel in my flaws. They are part of me. I embrace them and know to be the best me possible I must accept flaws and work with them. Everyone is flawed, and in order to make the most of life we must stop seeking perfection and instead attain balance. That is all I truly seek in life, peace and balance.
And good yarn and needles and the Perfect Pattern.